That women fake orgasms is a cultural stereotype. That men do too, most people don't know. But research shows it's more common than you'd think — and the reasons behind it usually aren't what stereotypes suggest.
This guide covers what research says, why men fake, and what you can do about it — both as the man who fakes and the partner who notices.
What Does Research Say?
In 2010 Charlene Muehlenhard and Sheena Shippee published one of the first serious studies into male fake orgasm in Journal of Sex Research. They anonymously surveyed 180 men and 101 women.
Key numbers:
- 25% of all men had at some point faked an orgasm
- Among men with penetrative heterosexual experience, it rose to 28%
- Among women the percentage was higher: 50% (and 67% among women with penetrative heterosexual experience)
Faking mostly happened during penetration, but also during oral sex, manual stimulation and even phone sex.
Why Do Men Do It?
The top reasons Muehlenhard's participants gave:
1. Orgasm seemed unattainable in this session. Maybe due to fatigue, alcohol, medication, or simply not the right stimulation. Instead of naming it, he pretended.
2. He wanted the sex to end. Not out of rejection of the partner, but because the session wasn't going where he wanted, and he saw no way to gracefully end.
3. He wanted to spare his partner's feelings. Same pattern as women who fake: not disappointing, not raising performance pressure.
4. Performing socially expected 'good sex'. Culturally, orgasm is seen as the natural closing of sex. Not coming feels like 'failure' to some men, and faking feels easier than naming it.
What Faking Actually Signals
Men who regularly fake usually have one or more underlying things going on:
Performance pressure. The pressure to always climax during sex. Read our guide on performance anxiety for broader context.
Fatigue or stress. Body and hormone system don't work the way you'd want. Read our guide on sleep and libido.
The sex doesn't fit (this time). Sometimes rhythm is wrong, sometimes stimulation. No one wants to name 'this isn't working for me' mid-session.
Deeper communication problem. If faking becomes a pattern, it's usually a symptom of a conversation not being had.
What to Do — For the Man
Stop faking. First time is hard, but breaking the pattern is the only way out.
Name it, in 'more/less' language. Not 'it's not working', but 'more here' or 'slower'. Read our guide on communication in bed for concrete techniques.
Give yourself permission to sometimes not climax. Not every sex session needs to end with orgasm for you. Being present is enough.
Look at underlying factors. Sleep, stress, alcohol, medication. Read our guide on penis health.
Aids where relevant. A delay gel like the AIA Delay Gel supports control if premature ejaculation is in play; a cockring like the ODES Surrender helps with erection. Both are additions, not solutions to the communication problem itself.
What to Do — For the Partner
Don't react as rejection. Faking is almost never a statement about you. It says something about what the man did with the session, not what he thinks of you.
Make room for conversation. Not 'why did you fake?' (which puts him on defense), but 'could I do something different?' or 'what would work for you?'.
Lower the stakes together. If performance pressure is in play: agree that orgasm isn't the goal for a while.
Common Misconceptions
"Men can't fake — there's no evidence." There's more than enough. Especially with condoms, evidence is barely visible.
"Male faking is the same as female faking." Partly. Reasons overlap, but male faking comes more often from performance pressure than female does.
"Faking once means your relationship is broken." Not at all. One-off faking in unusual context (extremely tired, drunk, etc.) is normal. Pattern-faking is a signal to address.
FAQ
What if I want to admit I faked?
Choose a neutral moment outside the bedroom. Be specific about why (fatigue, low desire, performance pressure) so your partner doesn't take it personally.
What if I think my partner is faking?
Ask, but not mid-sex or right after. A calm conversation, without accusation, opens space.
Does therapy help?
For pattern-faking or underlying performance anxiety: often yes. A sexologist or relationship therapist can help.
Conclusion
Men fake more often than stereotypes suggest — not out of dishonesty, but from performance pressure, fatigue, or lacking a way to name discomfort. The way out isn't 'performing better' but better communication and — for some — medical or psychological support where underlying factors play a role.
For support where relevant: check the AIA Delay Gel, the ODES Surrender, or the collection for him.
Sources:
1. Muehlenhard, C. L., & Shippee, S. K. (2010). Men's and women's reports of pretending orgasm. Journal of Sex Research, 47(6), 552-567.
2. Sæther, B. T., et al. (2024). Why Did You Stop? Reasons for Stopping Faking Orgasms. Journal of Sex Research.
